robyne c.

I wrote this on the hardest day (April 28, 2020):

Not all views are clear. Many are distorted and cloudy, especially the view looking INSIDE my window. It’s easy for me to see the beauty in others and the world around me looking OUT my windows but not always the case looking IN. The view isn’t always “Instagram worthy” but usually it’s cluttered with too many thoughts, too many messy piles of half finished things, too many ideas and things I need to get done, too many promises made, too many things I’d rather be doing instead of things I should be doing, too many news articles and information to wrap my brain around, too many distractions.

By nature I’m an optimist, always seeing the glass half full and looking for the best in people. I take people at their word. I give my heart and soul into things I am passionate about. At first I was OK with this shelter in place, thankful I live with someone who loves and protects me, someone I love spending time with, someone I not only love, but actually LIKE!

But, this sh*t is getting to me. I miss my family and our gatherings. I miss my lunch, coffee or wine date with my girlfriends. I miss going to church. I miss my random trips to the thrift store, REI, Home Goods, Target and Bed, Bath and Beyond. I miss going to the flower mart. I miss my coffee dates with my love. I miss my Thursday team volunteers at Twin Lakes Food Bank, I miss getting my hair cut and the good vibes I get from the friend who cuts it. I miss my small group bible study. I miss weekend getaways with my love. I miss working events with some really cool people. I miss grocery shopping at a leisurely pace and looking at and touching the fresh produce before I buy it. I miss it a lot.

I get irritated with people. I judge people. I give dirty looks. I roll my eyes. I’ve gained 6 1/2 pounds. It’s a big deal for a 61 year old woman who isn’t even 5 foot 2. I shake my head. I joke about it. I cry. I am mad. I wear my mask in public. I don’t congregate with groups of people I don’t live with. I limit my outings. I don’t like myself for being this way. I know I’m not alone in my feelings. I know we will get through this. I just want it to be done…NOW

!My view OUTSIDE is beautiful and I’m working on viewing the INSIDE as just as beautiful. It’s always a process. God is teaching me something, again. Hope. Patience. Grace. Enough. One day, I’ll get it.

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