This year was kind of a bear. Maybe a bear that ate some angel dust, but still a bear.

The year began normally — I got an administrative temp to hire contract — and less than 6 months into it, I got laid off due to COVID19. This happened after I had moved across the country and back. Not flush with extra cash to accommodate for this. The next thing that decided to grace my presence was bedbugs after a trip to Nevada with a friend. I had 117 bites all over my body. When you can’t scratch them off or you’ll get scars you get Rain Main instead. It cost $600 to make CERTAIN I did not bring them home and my apartment was safe.  It took 20 hours of work and chemicals. 

Somewhere in between, I was really sick for 4 weeks with a fever, migraine, unproductive cough, and super fatigued.  I went to the ER because I fainted into a wall 3 times, even using my asthma inhaler and keeping my physical activity super minimal. I just simply couldn’t breathe well. I tested negative for COVID regardless (good, I think?).

I had a gnawing pain in my chest which hurt significantly, not a small discomfort to be clear, and I decided to go to a low-cost or free mammogram clinic. They charged me $975 for my free or low cost mammogram, found an explanation that was a thing to watch and I had to fight to get the fee knocked down. Low cost or free my jolly butt.

I keep looking for work. Nothing is happening.

My tooth decides that it — that very second — needs a $1200 crown and proceeds to devour all my remaining savings. How. Nice.

The norm for meetings or “connecting” has become being on display on camera on Zoom. As a person with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, my experience is that Zoom accomplishes the exact opposite of connecting, and leaves me with a 4-day experience that isn’t dissimilar to an anxiety attack. BDD doesn’t mean you hate yourself, it means you can’t see yourself the way others do, and seeing your own image causes you distress. Imagine if you looked at words and they became a language you could not read. It is rather like that. Anyway, Zoom — I hate you.

Nearly a year has gone by and I have gotten 2nd place in a job search 6 times. I redo my resume constantly, tailor cover letters, use keywords, network as much as one can in this environment, interview well, and could teach a class on how to find work. Of course, I don’t have work yet. 

The state of San Francisco while you are trapped indoors and cannot take public transit anywhere has not been miraculous. San Francisco, with its piles of poo, needles, addicts passed out wherever they want to be, tents everywhere, thieves shoplifting in every store, and gunpoint and knifepoint robberies up way too much for my liking.  The “let’s virtue signal to the death as opposed to discussing an actual solution” people are really annoying. I cannot wait to get a job and get out of here. 

This year is fired.

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